15 Creepy Items Found At Garage Sales That Should Be Rounded Up And Burned

JANUARY 23, 2016  —  By Tim Unkenholz  
Tim Unkenholz

Tim Unkenholz

Writer and stand up comedian in NY. Check out my monthly comedy show Roomie Raiders at the Creek and The Cave! @timunken

Going to a garage sale always seems like a good idea, but from my experience, the items on sale are always either boring or straight-up cursed. These are the two kinds of items you'll most likely find: "not useful" and "clearly a totem to the Dark One."

Here are some of the creepiest things ever found at garage sales. They all need to be collected together in the town square and burned.

The prices here are so good, you'll always come out a head!

"I long for death."

Someone definitely made this thing into their wife while stranded on a deserted island.

You can make your own home feel like the bathroom at Arby's!

"Please don't touch, I'm fragile." Noted!

In this case, I really hope Pinocchio doesn't become a real boy.


How badly do you need to sit right now?

"Buy this painting and share in our family's misery!"

This book can only get LESS racist from here, right?

Some Ken dolls just want to watch the world burn.

Scarier than any Heffalump or Woozle!

Wait, if he's a pumpkin man, is he holding the disembodied heads of his kin?

This cup looks like it enjoys being used...a little too much.

Well, at least you know that no one's taking a cookie from this jar.

While garage sales always entice us with their neighborhood charm, they are secretly filled with dark relics and horcruxes. Surely eBay is a safer place to buy such items, right?


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